This Moment - and now for something completely different

{this moment} - A Friday ritual inspired by SouleMama.  A single photo capturing a moment from the week.  A simple, special, extraordinary moment.  A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.  If you feel so inspired, please share your moment here, too!

Here's to combining something that I love to do with something that I want to love doing!

"Leave all the afternoon for exercise and recreation, which are as necessary as reading.  I will say rather more necessary because health is worth more than learning."  ~Thomas Jefferson

What I'm Reading: The Power of Habit

Over the course of the past week I've been reading The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life And Business by Charles Duhigg, a book for which I heard a favorable review by a friend not long after it was published in 2012.  As with many good intentions that I hold - in this case the idea that I should read this book - I thought about it, but didn't actually do anything about it until I saw the book in the "new release" section of my local library while I was looking for something to read over the holidays.  I decided on a bit of a whim to check it out and I'm so glad that I did.

The author, in an easy to understand way, shares scientific research about the neurology of habit formation and the habit loop.  He also shares some surprisingly interesting case studies of how the existence of habits - even if we don't recognize them as such - can impact individuals, companies, and even communities.  Duhigg states that "habits are created by putting together a cue, a routine, and a reward, and then cultivating a craving that drives the loop." Although we never truly eradicate a habit (even if we no longer manifest it with our actions, the habit pathway lives on in our brains), we can cultivate new habits to replace those we deem undesirable by working within the framework of the existing loop.  By identifying the cue that triggers a habit, the craving that drives us, and the reward that we desire - something that sounds easy in theory but can be quite difficult to actually accomplish - we can create new routines that help us build desirable habits.  In fact, the author offers a real life example of how he did just that with a habit he wished to change in his appendix titled "A Reader's Guide to Using These Ideas."

This book also examines the concepts of keystone habits and willpower.  Duhigg has this to say about keystone habits.  "Some habits...matter more than others in remaking businesses and lives.  These are 'keystone habits,' and they can influence how people work, eat, play, live, spend, and communicate.  Keystone habits start a process that, over time, transforms everything.  Keystone habits say that success doesn't depend on getting every single thing right, but instead relies on identifying a few key priorities and fashioning them into power levers...where should a would-be habit master start?  Understanding keystone habits holds the answer to that question: The habits that matter most are the ones that, when they start to shift, dislodge and remake other patterns."  He goes on to present some compelling examples of the impact of mindfully cultivating strong keystone habits or changing those that need to be changed.

As with the chapter on keystone habits, I likewise found the chapter on willpower to be surprisingly fascinating.  Case Western Reserve University researcher Mark Muraven found through a variety of studies that "willpower isn't just a skill. It's a muscle, like the muscles in your arms and legs, and it gets tired as it works harder, so there's less power left over for other things."  He went on to say that "if you want to do something that requires willpower - like going for a run after work - you have to conserve your willpower muscle during the day.  If you use it up too early on tedious tasks like writing emails or filling out complicated and boring expense forms, all the strength will be gone by the time you get home."  The take away for me is that it is possible to strengthen my willpower muscle and that I can approach new endeavors in a way that recognizes the role of a limited cache of willpower.

This copy was checked out from my local library, but I found it to be sufficiently interesting - and reading it led to so much personal reflection - that I might buy a copy for ongoing use at home.  At the very least, I'll be keeping my eye open at the thrifts for a copy to pick up.

Duhigg states in the last chapter of his book that the "way we habitually think of our surroundings and ourselves create the worlds that each of us inhabit."  This resonated with me and drew a connection in my mind to the Buddhist theory of karma as I understand it, not as a practitioner, but as an interested seeker.  This isn't quite the same as the western pop culture notion of karma that if you do good things, good things will happen to you and if you do bad things, bad things will happen to you.  Rather than dealing with actions, it deals with intention. According to this Wikipedia post (not a very spiritual source, I know, but it provided one of the easiest to digest explanations that I was able to find), "every time a person acts there is some quality of intention at the base of the mind and it is that quality rather than the outward appearance of the action that determines the effect."  The point of these two ideas, for me, is to reinforce the notion that I have the power to influence the very fabric of my daily life with the way that I think about it.

Part of why I enjoyed this book so much, and why I am sharing it here, is the personal revelation that there are many elements of having good intentions but not following through that may be attributable to my current habits (despite never having thought of them in this way before).  Duhigg reports that William James devoted an entire chapter in his book The Principles of Psychology to the topic of habits and their role in creating happiness and success.  James declared that water is the most apt analogy for how a habit works.  Water "hollows out for itself a channel, which grows broader and deeper; and, after having ceased to flow, it resumes, when it flows again, the path traced by itself before."  What if I can not only cultivate new habits that help me live more intentionally, but also recognize some of my less desirable habits for what they are - habits that I can change with intention, planning, and discipline?  What are my keystone habits that serve me well and what are those that don't?

The author posits that "almost all...patterns that exist in most people's lives - how we eat and sleep and talk to our kids, how we unthinkingly spend our time, attention, and money - those are habits that we know exist.  And once you understand that habits can change, you have the freedom - and the responsibility - to remake them.  Once you understand that habits can be rebuilt, he power of habit becomes easier to grasp, and the only option left is to get to work."  That's some pretty heady - and exciting - stuff.

Happy Wednesday, friends!


"Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time."  ~Mark Twain

Happy New Year...now what?

Despite the fact that I hardly wrote in this space at all during 2012, this blog and my reasons for starting it have been on my mind over the course of the past year. I've been asking myself whether or not I want to continue writing here and I've even toyed with the idea of taking down the blog entirely.  That being said, I have been reflecting quite deeply over the past few weeks and months about what I want and need to let go of in my life and what I want to invite in.  I think that this blog can still help me on my path towards more intentional living, but I think that it might mean something different in the upcoming year than it has meant in the past. What does all of that mean for me and My (Un)Intentional Life?  I don't know yet, but I look forward to figuring that out as we settle into 2013.

Whatever else 2013 brings, I did manage to get off on the right foot by running in a "1st Day 5K" this morning with Princess Wonder - it was her first 5K and she was an excellent running partner.  Seriously, I've run with some great ladies but none of them have skipped to the starting line before.

I found this great quote attributed to Ellen Goodman earlier today and I like the change in perspective she offers for this process of taking stock that many of us undertake as our Mother Earth completes another trip around the sun.  "We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched.  Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives...not looking for flaws, but for potential."  There is much room for potential in my life - and in yours - and it is exciting to think about what the next year can bring for me and for each of you.

Happy Tuesday, friends, and a very happy new year to you!  May 2013 be filled with good health, good friends, and much joy.


"Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us."  ~Hal Borland

Ritual Roundup - Celebrating the first day of school with lumpy, albino apples?

Today was the first day of school for my big two and, in the spirit of establishing and maintaining family rituals, as the big day drew near I started scouring the web for fun, school-themed treats that I could make for all of the kids at the bus stop. Three years ago I put together fruit kabobs - they were healthy and easy to eat. Two years ago I made pretzel "pencils" - I prepared them the day before and, like the fruit kabobs, they were easy for small hands to manage at the bus stop.  Last year I made applesauce muffins with cookie "chalkboards" - they were cute, but a bit of a bust courtesy of pouring rain that morning.  Nonetheless, kids got the chance to enjoy them at the after school ice cream social (another fun ritual despite the fact that it had to be moved indoors due to the weather).

After last year's anti-climatic bus stop snack, I was determined to make a comeback today.  So, in all my optimistic glory, I set out last night to make these adorable apple cake pops.  Between Cindy's excellent tutorial and great tips - and this learn-from-my-mistakes post by Trophy Wife Tara - I felt confident that I could whip up something that would be acceptable to the elementary school aged crowd.  Putting aside my concerns about giving the kids something with no nutritional value (they're shaped like apples, that somehow counts as a fruit...right?), I dug right in to making cake pops for the first time.  As in the first time ever.  I mean, really, what could possibly go wrong?

Oh, where shall I begin?  It started out well - I left the cake/frosting ball mixture in the fridge overnight as instructed.  The balls came out looking pretty good, but I'm not entirely sure I nailed the consistency because they were a bit crumbly and if I wasn't very careful while putting them on the lollipop sticks they tended to fall apart.  No problem, this is why I doubled the batch.  Next - and this was really the beginning of the end - I decided to use some white chocolate chips I had at home and simply add red food coloring instead of buying red colored candy coating wafers.  The chocolate melted perfectly, but I went through a full bag and a half of white chocolate chunks until I realized that adding the food coloring was horking up the consistency of the mixture and no amount of microwaving it was going to help.  At this point, it was too late to run out and get something else, so I resigned myself to making white apple cake pops.

Exhibit A:What kid wouldn't want a sticky, red mess or a cake pop that falls apart if they look at it?

The first one turned out looking pretty good for a white apple.  (Check out that cake pop in the lower righthand corner of the the picture below.  If you don't look too closely, it can pass as an apple...right?  If not, try squinting.  If that still doesn't work, feel free to lie to me.)  It all went downhill from there.  Each cake pop I made after the first one became progressively lumpier.  After my fifth pop, I knew it was time to admit defeat.  "So, what are we bringing to the bus stop?" asked both Princess Wonder and E2B after I explained that my treat for the morning didn't turn out exactly as I had planned.  I don't think that they were impressed with my "your smiling faces" reply, but it seemed more age appropriate than "my dignity on a platter" so I just left it at that.  Three of these beauties were eaten at breakfast as a side to their scrambled eggs - I was still laboring under my it-counts-as-fruit fantasy - and the other two, to my slight embarrassment but my children's great excitement, went into their teachers.

Exhibit B: The "finished" product...introducing the lumpy albino cake pop!

There's still the annual ice cream social after school today, so I'm just going to focus on that.  And try to figure out what to do with 40 unfrosted cake balls.

UPDATE: Heidi, who I happen to know is a stone cold baking genius (seriously, I routinely drool over her Facebook page), suggested mixing a gel-based icing color with the chocolate instead of the "traditional" food coloring I used.  I did have some in my baking cupboard, but it is very old and more closely resembled tar than gel color.  That being said, I decided to give it a try and I'm pleased - but not surprised given the source of the suggestion - to report that it worked!  I tried for green, but given the freshness level of the gel, the color is quite light.  Miss Intrepid tried one out for me and gave it her approval.

Still a bit lumpy, but had I managed this earlier I might have served them at the bus stop anyway.

Version 2.0 got a thumbs up from my littlest taste tester.

One element of our back to school rituals did come together beautifully, even if they cake pops did not. As we have done since we started our own back to school shopping about five years ago, each of the kids also sponsored a child through our local YMCA who was in need of supplies for the upcoming school year.  They each chose a tag for a child their own age - or in Miss Intrepid's case, just one year older - and filled a backpack with supplies.  It is gratifying to watch my children put as much thoughtful consideration into picking out just the right backpack, pencil case, notebook, etc. for another child as they do for themselves.

"Seriously, Mom - these pained expressions are the best we have to offer right now...please stop taking pictures."

May this September open new doors into the mysteries of the world to us all. Happy Tuesday, friends!


"All the world is a laboratory to the inquiring mind."  ~Martin H. Fischer

Celebrating the Vernal Equinox with a labyrinth, fire, and s'mores

The Vernal Equinox brought with it the opportunity to celebrate with a mindful ritual.  In past years, we've planted something outside to help mark the first day of spring (or, given my tendency to have great plans but only so-so follow through, the first week/month of spring).  This year, however, my church held a labyrinth walk and bonfire to celebrate the change of seasons and I was thrilled to have such a cool event already planned that we could take part in.

As is their habit, the kids mostly ran through the labyrinth joyfully rather than walking mindfully, but that seems to be just about right for their respective ages.

And who doesn't love a big fire?  My young ones were fascinated by the bonfire until we broke out the makings for s'mores at the small campfire just across the field.  I don't know what E2B liked best, roasting the marshmallows or throwing small branches with pine needles into the fire and seeing them flare up impressively.

However you marked this day, I wish you a happy spring, friends!


"And Spring arose on the garden fair,
Like the Spirit of Love felt everywhere'
And each flower and herb on Earth's dark breast
rose from the dreams of its wintry rest."
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

Thoughts about ethical eating from an imperfect seeker

For the past several years when asked what topic we would like to hear a sermon on at my church, I've expressed an interest in a service on ethical eating. After last year's survey someone on our worship committee said to me - "Great idea!  How would you like to lead it?"  Well, that was not exactly the outcome that I had expected or intended.  Nonetheless, I figured that this would offer me a good opportunity to really focus on the issue of ethical eating and what exactly it means to me.  Throughout this process I've read some very thought provoking books and articles by published authors and bloggers alike.  In fact, several of them articulated so clearly what I believe that I shared some of their words to help express what was in my heart and on my mind.  I so appreciated the support that I received from my congregation and the conversations that I was engaged in after the service over a potluck lunch, that I decided to share what I discussed here.

I opened by sharing these words from Michael Pollan in his book “The Omnivore’s Dilemma”:

“Much of our food system depends on our not knowing much about it, beyond the price disclosed by the checkout scanner; cheapness and ignorance are mutually reinforcing. And it's a short way from not knowing who's at the other end of your food chain to not caring–to the carelessness of both producers and consumers that characterizes our economy today. Of course, the global economy couldn't very well function without this wall of ignorance and the indifference it breeds. This is why the American food industry and its international counterparts fight to keep their products from telling even the simplest stories–"dolphin safe," "humanely slaughtered," etc.–about how they were produced. The more knowledge people have about the way their food is produced, the more likely it is that their values–and not just "value"–will inform their purchasing decisions.”

  

This is where my exploration of this topic led me for the service:

I was excited when the UUA’s General Assembly selected “Ethical Eating: Food and Environmental Justice” as our Congregational Study and Action Issue for 2008-2012, because it is an issue in which I have a lot of interest, unfocused though it may be.  As Unitarian 
Universalists, we are committed to living in ways that respect that inherent worth and dignity of all people as well as the interdependent web of life of which we are a part.

When I was asked to lead this service, I agreed to do so with a fair amount of trepidation that has only increased as today has drawn nearer.  Part of my trepidation stemmed from questioning what element of this very broad topic I should explore.  Should I talk about industrial farming techniques and resulting environmental degradation?  Should I talk about the conditions of animals born into the factory farming system?  Should I talk about the treatment of meat packing workers and the impact on illegal workers?

The other source of my trepidation is that, while I have a lot of passion for this topic, I am very much a seeker on this journey and I knew that I would be preaching to the figurative – or in the case of some of you, literal – choir on this topic.  There are many members of this community who are much better informed on any number of issues related to ethical eating and whose actions better reflect their values when compared to my own.  I worried that I wasn’t qualified to speak to you all about this.  After all, in my family when I say that it is almost dinnertime, it isn’t unusual for one of my children to ask not “what’s for dinner?” but “where are we going out to eat?”  I felt hypocritical talking about eating ethically when I have so much more growing to do personally.  The issue of our food choices impacts many environmental, health, economic, and social justice issues facing our world today. I am so often overwhelmed by what seems like issues that are too big for me to either fully grasp or to influence.  But then I took a deep breath and reminded myself that part of our covenant as UU’s is the acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth and the free and responsible search for truth and meaning.  And, with help from some of you in this room, I remembered that we belong to each other, and I that I do have something of value to share – my story, my journey.

I feel called to eat more ethically – to grow my own food, to avoid processed food-like products, to buy food grown locally, to eat organic, and to put more money into the pockets of farmers instead of agribusiness…just to name a few.   After several decades of considering it on and off, I became a vegetarian almost 3 ½ years ago because I object to the treatment of animals in the factory farming system. I must confess that over the course of the past month I have dabbled in meat eating, though I’m not, for now, prepared to make it a regular part of my diet again.  I do regularly cook meat for the rest of my family who falls squarely in the omnivore camp, though I do try to purchase meats from animals that have been raised humanely and given their natural food source (such as grass fed beef).  I have great aspirations to provide healthy, fresh foods for my family, but my lack of meal planning too often results in wasted produce.  I have a vegetable garden in my back yard, but my annual yield varies greatly depending upon the time and energy I put into regular care of what has been planted.  I am a staunch supporter of buying food that has been locally produced at farmers’ markets, but I don’t visit any of the excellent markets in the area very often.  I think that I do a good job of buying natural – and when possible – organic foods that are in season and, if not grown locally, at least produced domestically.  I am imperfect on my journey to eat ethically.  I am human.

So, what exactly is ethical eating?  I’ve been talking about it in theory, but I haven’t yet shared with you what ethical eating means to me.  As I prepared for today’s service I looked for definitions to encompass this very broad concept.  From eatkind.net we get this definition.  “Ethical eating, like ethical living, is not about absolutes.  It’s about doing the best you’re willing and able to do – and nurturing a will to do better.”  I also discovered a great post from Caitlin Boyle on her blog Healthy Tipping Point.  It is certainly too long to be classified as a definition, but when I read it, it felt like Truth (with a capital T) to me, so I wanted to share it with you.  To provide some background and context, Caitlin also gave up eating meat about three years ago because of her concerns about the treatment of factory-farmed animals.  Here is what she has to say on the topic of ethical eating.

“Can you be an “ethical eater” and eat meat?  Of course.  Why?  Because I don’t believe you have to be a “perfect” eater to be an “ethical eater.”  I believe that being an ethical eater doesn’t mean you don’t eat meat or don’t eat dairy or only eat local or only eat organic. I believe that “ethical eating” means you strive to make educated decisions about your food choices and the impact such choices have on our community, animals, and our environment, and then you strive to reach the best conclusion for YOU.  Sometimes, you might learn a bunch of information and decide you can take some, leave some.  For example, I can go without cow’s milk, but I personally don’t want to give up yogurt.  Does that make me “unethical?”  In my eyes, no.  Because I believe that every positive effort you make is important and worthwhile.

When I say that I am an “ethical eater,” I mean that I strive to understand WHERE my food comes from and the IMPACT that my choices have.  That does NOT mean that I am perfect.  I find it very worrisome when people say that I am a “hypocrite” for eating gelatin or yogurt.  …  I do not believe we should throw around the word “hypocrite,” especially when it comes to food choices.  Food is very personal, and all I can hope to do is educate people about why I do the things I do.   When people come down on me harshly for my choices and decisions, it makes me feel very judged.  It also makes me want to shy away from learning more.   Mama Pea said it best when she said, “I think being militant about any lifestyle choice is one of the biggest deterrents to invoking change in others.”

When it comes to being an “ethical eater,” there is no black and white.  There are a lot of gray areas, and these gray areas are dependent on each individual person.

I get a lot of e-mails from people who say, “I want to be a vegetarian, but I seriously don’t think I can skip turkey on Thanksgiving / give up marshmallows / never eat French onion soup again.”  And I always respond, “WHY does it have to be black and white?”  Make your own decisions work for YOU.  …as long as you’re educating yourself and making your decisions based on that information, I believe you’re an ethical eater.”

What really resonated with me about Caitlin’s perspective is her belief that there is no one right way to eat ethically – that it can and will look different for everyone.  There is no perfect solution for any one person let alone for all of us, nor are we, ourselves, perfect and that is okay.

On my path to learn more about ethical eating, I also came across this quote from Michael Pollan in “The Omnivore’s Dilemma.”

“Imagine if we had a food system that actually produced wholesome food. Imagine if it produced that food in a way that restored the land. Imagine if we could eat every meal knowing these few simple things: What it is we’re eating. Where it came from. How it found its way to our table. And what it really cost. If that was the reality, then every meal would have the potential to be a perfect meal. We would not need to go hunting for our connection to our food and the web of life that produces it. We would no longer need any reminding that we eat by the grace of nature, not industry, and that what we’re eating is never anything more or less than the body of the world. I don’t want to have to forage every meal. Most people don’t want to learn to garden or hunt. But we can change the way we make and get our food so that it becomes food again—something that feeds our bodies and our souls. Imagine it: Every meal would connect us to the joy of living and the wonder of nature. Every meal would be like saying grace.”

My friends, if we can imagine it, we can do it.  I leave you today with a two-part call to action. First, educate yourself about the issues surrounding our food, what is in it, how it is produced, and what we are supporting with each and every food choice that we make.  You can do this on your own or you can do this in community here.  Read – or re-read – Michael Pollan’s “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” as part of our multi-generational Read to Feed program.  Sign up for the Hungry for Change adult faith development offering that will begin meeting next month.  Come share a meal with other friends and members of the congregation and then watch a family friendly film about ethical eating at an upcoming evening potluck.  Or explore these issues on your own by reading one of the many excellent books - or watching a documentary or film - about our food supply.

The second part of my call to action is to take the information that you’ve learned and do something with it. Maybe for you this means venturing out to a local farmer’s market.  Maybe it means planting a garden this spring.  Perhaps it means eating less processed food.  Or maybe it means reaching out to our elected officials to advocate for different policies related to our food.  For me, where I am on my imperfect journey, I think it means trying to cook more meals from healthy, whole foods for my family.  As Michael Pollan says in his book “Food Rules” – “…we all feel pressed for time nowadays, but consider that, in the last few years, we’ve somehow found several hours in the day to be on-line at home.  We will always make time for the things that matter.  Cooking matters.”  Whatever taking action means to you, we can all become more ethical eaters and treat our world – and our imperfect selves – more gently.

I closed with these words from Barbara Kingsolver in her book “Animal, Vegetable, Miracle”:

“Our culture is not unacquainted with the idea of food as a spiritually loaded commodity. We're just particular about which spiritual arguments we'll accept as valid for declining certain foods. Generally unacceptable reasons: environmental destruction, energy waste, the poisoning of workers. Acceptable: it's prohibited by a holy text. Set down a platter of country ham in front of a rabbi, an imam, and a Buddhist monk, and you may have just conjured three different visions of damnation. Guests with high blood pressure may add a fourth. Is it such a stretch, then, to make moral choices about food based on the global consequences of its production and transport?”

So, that's what I had to share today about ethical eating.  It isn't new or radical, but it did help me more intentionally examine where I stand on my personal path to eating more ethically and, if you stuck with me through this very long post, hopefully there were nuggets in here that spoke to you, too.  Happy Sunday, friends!

"Eating is an agricultural act."  ~Wendell Berry

Ritual Roundup - celebrating Leap Day with wackiness

As I've shared here previously, one of my favorite parental tasks is establishing and maintaining family traditions and rituals.  So earlier this week I posted the following on my personal Facebook page: "Offbeat question for all of you...does anyone have any special ways to recognize or celebrate leap day?"  To which friends responded with gems like "I make a point of going to work and not getting paid for it" and "I jump out of bed in the morning."  While good for a midday laugh, they weren't exactly what I was looking for.  (Though, to be perfectly honest, I thought I'd give getting the kids to "leap" out of bed a try.  Instead I ended up trying to get Miss Intrepid - who showed up fully clothed in my bedroom at 5:45 this morning - to sleep in, Princess Wonder woke up long before I did, and E2B was not even remotely interested.  And really, can you blame him?  Not my most inspired plan, that.)

I also ran a number of Internet searches that turned up party and game ideas that tended to focus around frogs.  The frog cupcakes were cute as were the felt and ribbon frog bookmarks.  Still, I was looking for something that was not only easily repeatable every four years, but something that would also be appealing to the kids as they got older.  Until they're too embarrassed to be seen in public with me, that is.  Which leads me to what we did do today.

Inspired by a "wacky day" photo my friend Ryan posted on Facebook of her daughter dressed for school in - amongst other things - a tutu, I decided to follow suit with our own brand of accessorizing.  Although I suspect Peanut's choice of clothing was inspired by Wacky Wednesday and Dr. Seuss' birthday coming up on Friday, I thought that donning wacky clothing for a wacky day like Leap Day was apropos.  We went out for dinner - though I could see us doing this at home in future years (especially when my kids are old enough to be embarrassed by me!) - wearing some special gear.  I offered to the kids that they could pick out a wacky hat for mom to wear at dinner.  They jumped on the chance and picked out something special for me to wear.  Dressing up mommy was quickly followed by dressing up themselves.  Their wacky ware went through a number of big and little adjustments up until the point that mom declared everyone done and we hit the road.

Without further ado, here we are!

Wacky ware version 1.0

Honestly, the kids took it easy on me with this combo

Wacky ware version 2.4

And, yes - we actually wore it outside of the house!

It might be a bit premature to call this a ritual, but I have high hopes for where this wackiness will take us when Leap Day rolls around again in 2016.  In the meantime, I hope you have a happy, wacky Wednesday, friends!


"Don't be afraid to look silly."  ~Tara Strong